Procrastination and Resistance


Are you reading this instead of doing something else more vital? I am. Well, I'm writing it instead of getting the newsletter out...

 

Why do we do it, when we really, really know we should be doing something else? Why do we have so little control over our behaviour?

 

The Theory

Without getting too technical, your subconscious makes the moment-by-moment decisions and it thinks it is protecting you - that's its job: survival. Unfortunately, it can be very short-termist left to its own devices. Your long-term survival is a job for the conscious mind - the planner.

 

So, if you consciously have decided that, say, getting a degree is in your long-term interests, but you aren't doing the work, you may have to do some negotiating with your subsconscious, because it is really the one that makes the decisions. (Which is where we enter the free-will debate, so we'll leave quietly now).

 

How do we deal with this, then? How do we align our subconcious with our conscious mind? Well, it's mostly about acknowledging and honouring our fears. Once you know what you're worried about and say 'that's actually very reasonable, given my experience', you can look for ways to support your fears in a more productive way - or, often, they will just melt away under the light.

 

Fear of success?

Here is an example: one client was frustrated with how he was putting off finishing writing a contract that was going to bring his business money. 

 

When we examined his resistance, we found that he was actually worried that the contract would bring in business, because he doubted his company's ability to deliver a quality product: the resources needed were being diverted elsewhere and the other directors weren't supporting him in the contract detail. 

 

Small wonder he didn't want to write the contract!  And yet this was invisible to him, or at least in the combination that constituted a risk.  Once he knew this, he was able to consider how he would correct the situation.

 

Once, too, he thought about what the contract would bring him (a growing relationship with another company), he started to feel confident about finishing the contract and sat down and finished the first draft straight away.  Doing this exercise allowed him to foresee a potential failure and address it far earlier than he might otherwise.

 

The reasons can be simple, as in ‘I might mess it up' or complex, several layers deep, finally leading to some strange family feud 50 years ago… The good news is it is quite a simple process to uncover them.

 

Resistance Exercise

(the case above is here)

  1. Get yourself a pen and paper. This will allow you to be client and coach; give you separation.

  2. Write down this question: “What does doing/not doing xyz protect me from?”

  3. Write down the answer (I'll call it ‘abc') .

  4. Then ask yourself: “What would make it safe to do xyz, even though you may not have abc?” and write down the answer.

  5. Keep asking the 'safe' questions to cover all aspects of the situation (particularly in terms of you not making a perfect job of whatever it is), until you feel you have reached, and made safe, the nub of the problem.

  6. Discuss with yourself (still writing it all down) what would make it fantastic to do xyz – really remember the benefits of finishing the task.

  7. I was going to say here “Go to it”, but in fact you'll probably find you've started without even trying!


If you get stuck with this, it may help to get a friend to play ‘coach'. If it really starts to look like a complicated issue, then that's where the professionals come in – we're skilled in asking the right questions.

 

Right, well, I'd better go get that newsletter out!

 

by Penelope Else

Freer Mind